I once watched a web-show called quarterlife (or something along those lines). It was about a group of friends all in their 20s who were somewhat freaking out because they had no clue what to do with themselves. Turns out that ‘the quarterlife crisis’ – similar to a mid-life crisis – is effecting more and more people. At the time I didn’t really get why, I mean you’ve just graduated college, you are finally independent, you have the rest of your life to live. This was my thinking as a high school, now on the other side of college and facing my quarter-century birthday in six weeks time, I get it a bit more.
Up until this point (I guess the beginning of college perhaps, to some extent) my life has been fairly clearly defined by who I was within a set group of peers, i.e. my classmates in school. Which makes sense, when you spend most of 13 years with set people and it’s easy to know and understand where you belong on the social scale. In college you start to break that mold, if you wish, and you make mistakes, or as I try to view them ‘life lessons’. Once you get that degree though, another time of transition begins and this one is more permanent. It’s time to decide who you are going to be, now that the excuse of juvenile behavior and college tom-foolery have been spent for the last time.
I’m currently reading a book (I read a LOT) where one of the characters chewed out another, informing him that he is nothing. When he tried to refute this he found that he couldn’t describe himself. I thought the first character was uber harsh, but perhaps that’s because I was identifying to much with the second. I paused a moment from reading and tried to think of how I would describe myself. Which brings me right back to my underlying theme: who am I? I feel like everyone has these thoughts at some point, perhaps it’s part of the human condition, trying to figure out your place in the world. But if you’ve ever been in a plane and looked down at a town, you’d realize your place in the world isn’t necessarily, all that big. However, despite the size, it’s all you have.
Apparently my rambling is turning into something akin to emo-whining, which is NOT the purpose of this, so switching gears again!
*A clear warning: if the first three paragraphs don’t clue you in enough,
I have issues organizing my thoughts. Hopefully bits within paragraphs
will flow from one to another with little issues, but that will certainly not
be the case from paragraph to paragraph. Unfortunate.
Also, I overuse the word ‘so’ as a transition.*
The purpose of this (finally getting to the point) is to figure out who the adult me is. As a kid I was as outgoing as they come, always left the playground having made a new friend. 20 years later and the thought of having to talk to someone I don’t know with no wing-person makes me borderline nauseated. So, perhaps, by recapping my exploits I’ll be able to discern a pattern. A pattern that, once reviewed, will help me answer the question: who am I?
Looking forward to finding out, until next time ~ Q