Unforeseen Attack by Darth Raccoon

As I’ve mentioned before as an adult I’ve developed a wariness of raccoons. Last night the little bandits struck again, this time in my dreams.

Let's call him "Roger"

Let’s call him “Roger”

By the end of the story it's name is Emily

By the end of the story it’s name is Emily

Imagine, if you will, a raccoon. He’s a jovial fellow, clearly not the normal creature that roams the night knocking over garbage cans and looking for shiny objects. Instead this guy can talk to you and you two are even friends – crazy right? Then imagine that, for whatever reason, he has a stuffed animal that he always lugs around with him Calvin & Hobbs style. The two go on all kinds of adventures and cause all manner of hijinks and shenanigans. Easy enough? Now we’ll enter our story:

You’re walking around your room, picking up books and clothes that are scattered about the room. After a little while you hear a knock at the door and head to the hallway. From there you go down the stairs to let in your friend Roger. Per usual Roger is dragging his stuffed animal behind him, despite the fact he is an adult. It doesn’t phase you though, you almost admire the fact he still has such a vivid imagination. The three of you head upstairs to chill. Roger places the animal in it’s tiny chair that he brought over years ago. Once situated he takes off his bag and hands you his new album. After you two have listen to it a few times through the lights oddly flicker. Shrugging it off you head downstairs to grab a snack. You gently walk up the stairs balancing two cups in one hand and a box of crackers with a plate of cheese in the other. Approaching your door you hear a small voice you’ve never heard before. Toeing the door open you walk in to see the stuffed animal moving. Shocked, you drop all the snacks. The animal turns to look at you and as soon as your eyes meet its glass ones your head is filled with a name…Emily. Creeped out beyond belief, you break the stare and drop down to clean up the mess.  Placing the ruined snack on your desk *you carefully approach the two raccoons who have started to fight. You watch as Emily folds herself up out of the chair and escalate the battle to a physical one. She slaps Roger and they seem oblivious to you watching. After awhile Roger notices and pushes Emily away from him. Slowly he backs away and raises his hands, that’s when Emily switches targets and lunges towards you. As she reaches your face you feel furry pressure on your cheek and bolt awake. That’s when you find Vader (your cat) picking the worst possible time to start snuggling.

Doesn’t that sounds like a brilliant way to wake up? I didn’t need more convincing to get out of bed at four this morning to let him out. I sometimes wonder if animals have secret powers, how else would Vader now to hit me in the face at that exact time?

Until next time
~Q

*Full disclosure part of this story is made up. I can’t remember how the two raccoons came to be in the room, but the bits after the asterisks are an honest account of the what I remember from the dream. I figured I could create a bit of context for the last half. I also do remember that the stuffed animal was somehow possessed by the spirit of a little girl named Emily. How do I know this? Why would I dream these things? Not sure, but that’s what happened.

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